Women mostly suck at sex...if they suck at all

It strikes me that I've never really fucked a woman who was any good at it. And I've fucked enough to have come across it at least once or twice. I mean, if you'd thrown a die a hundred times and still never gotten a six, you'd be starting to wonder what was wrong with the die and not just with your own luck. Long before that, you'd be wondering if there was a six on it at all. Unless you were stupid.

But no one seems to be talking about how naff women are at sex. It's like no one expects them to be good at it. Having a hole and getting it filled up with cock seems to be the sole requirement for the female, as opposed to the male who's the one doing the filling and is expected to be inventive and adventurous and dynamic, sensitive to her needs and a storming barbarian by turns, all depending on what she wants, if she even knows what that is, which she often doesn't.

I'm here to tell you that having a hole and just getting it filled up with cock is a sadly inadequate approach. OK, you understand anatomy. You know where it goes. Uh, uh, sister. Sorry, not enough. Maybe you change places and ride the man. Slightly more dynamic perhaps, but not enough. It's not just the physical chugging, up and down, back and forth. We don't need women for that. My hand can do it better than you can. For thousands of years, men have been making do with Mr. Fist, with each other's assholes, or even with the relative luxury of a sheep or other domestic animal whenever women's cunts were in short supply.

Are you better at it than a sheep? That's my question, the next time I log on to a dating site. That would be worth knowing, as I could save time, effort and expense by simply cutting out the ones that perform like a plank of wood with a hole drilled in it.

Now, I've done my bit. As I've said before, I have a small dick, which I make no bones about...ha ha ha, what a pun... but what the dick can't do the mouth makes up for, in more ways than one and blah blah blah. I can pretty much talk a woman to orgasm, then just press a few buttons to get the jukebox playing. But I've never heard decent sex rhetoric from a woman. Not once.

Moaning, 'Ah, ah, aaaah!' is something that lets us know you're actually alive, but so what? Just communicating that you're enjoying it is banal and academic. I know you're enjoying it, because I've got a fucking master's degree in it, but what the fuck's that supposed to do for me? 'Fuck me!' is a start, but try expanding on that. Investigate the colourful vocabulary of the dirty bitch and practise on yourself, then it might come more naturally to you when Mr. Cock's doing his thing. Whatever you do, don't talk about love. That conjures up images of cuddly toys, soft woolly things etc., and then you might just as well be a sheep again, willing 24-7 at a moment's notice (if one lives in the country)without the slap up dinner and the whole bogus seduction routine.

Maybe you actually sieze hold of it with more than two fingers (I kid you not, I've had bitches practically looking for a pair of tweezers to use). Get your nails cut at the very least. Maybe you even go down, but for fuck's sake, don't bother if you have to hold your nose.

Those were my best tips for the time being. I hope they help. Don't give a shit if they don't.